A Tour of the Bush Library: BushLand

With a budget of half a billion dollars and little need to provide space for the perusal of documents the Bush Center has decided on a novel approach to ensure that the work of the Bush Junior Presidency takes its well-earned place in history while also guaranteeing that the public understands the President as a man and policy innovator. Also on the agenda; just a little bit of profit to offset those hefty salaries paid out to Karl Rove and other long time loyalists.

The facility, in partnership with Disney, will provide a walk and drive through environment that links together the high octane points of the Bush years, connecting these to how significant moments then provided the content for policies that make the Bush – Cheney Administration different from any other in American history.

Visitors will queue up for the tours in groups of not more than ten, to keep it personal. As they wait, the group will hear the historic words of the past president as he used a bull horn to address the media and onlookers at Ground Zero in New York. Then the doors, that are designed to look like the Twin Towers as they settle into a pile of dust, will open to reveal a long corridor and the visitor will be greeted by an android that looks exactly like George W. Bush dressed as he was when he landed his Air Force jet and announced the “mission accomplished” moment. The dying sound of the jet engine will fill the background.

The group will follow the President into the corridor, which will light up as the group advances. On both sides they will see jail cells that light up, revealing scenes now familiar to us through the Abu Ghraib photos. These will illustrate the deep trauma experienced by guards doing their duty to their President and their Country as they perform essential pre-interrogation routines. Sound effects are reported to be very realistic and exciting.

The Bush simulation will then wave and shake hands passing the group on to another figure that history will always associate with the Bush Presidency, Lynndie England. Here, the presentation grows more serious as Lynndie explains why Bush was driven to propose essential softening up routines as a means of ensuring that the suspected terrorists who were incarcerated at Abu Ghraib Prison and elsewhere provided information needed to save American lives.

As we now know, Lynndie, was actually a deep agent who was pardoned by Bush in the final moments of his presidency along with himself and his entire administration and some members of his family. The high volume Xerox machine used for this purpose sits in the small museum near the information desk along with other significant items, for instance, a small wooden box that Karl Rove hid in and around the Oval Office occasionally on which is carved, “Weapon of Mass Destruction.” Plans to substitute similar boxes for the traditional Easter Eggs for that Hunt were scotched by Laura Bush but are available in the gift shop at the end of the tour.

Visitors will be able to step across puddles of blood and see how the most ordinary of implements can be adapted to this purpose. This presentation is followed up with the handing out of CDs and DVDs wherein Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld explain the grave necessity that renewed the use of torture as a weapon essential for fighting terror. More such interesting and educational items can be purchased in the Library – Policy Center Store.

Visitors will then understand that this was necessary for the survival of America.

As the group proceeds down the corridor, now riding in golf carts that have been refitted from the Dallas Country Club, the group exchanges Lynndie for another android guide, Jeff Gannon. This portion of the tour will take our visitors to a news conference taking place in the media room of the White House. There, visitors will see another simulation of Gannon asking the hard questions that won him the respect of the President and drew him into a confidential relationship with the most powerful man in the world, George Bush.

This portion of the tour ends at the door of the Lincoln Bedroom, where the wall opens up and visitors find themselves in a room watching the high points from the movie DC 911, the movie produced by Lionel Chetwin in 2003 to show Americans the real story of how George Bush spent his time from the moment he came out of the slight fog in the school room in Florida, where he confronted subjects too esoteric for ordinary people to consider, until he addressed the American people. At some point in the future, perhaps five generations from now, the documents relating to this will be available.

Visitors will then sit through a presentation on American events by a real child who learned that history in a public school in Texas that ensure that no Child was Left Behind. The presentation will take the visitor through a recitation of how the Bush Walker family saved the United States by ensuring free trade with China during the Opium Wars, did behind the scenes work during the Nazi Regime in Germany, and then with the Soviet Union as they ensured that Americans would have a continuing supply of petroleum. Then, they will hear the story of how Bush Senior worked to make sure that America was not destroyed by women and environmentalists and helped Ronald Reagan end the Cold War. As proof, they will see Bush Senior and Junior hammering out pieces of the Berlin Wall. These can also be purchased in the Store. Visitors will then understand why and how a faltering Bush Senior handed off this heroic duty to his oldest, beloved, son, George Junior.

The seated visitors now exit the theatre, guided by the android of Karl Rove who leads them into the Bush vision of the future. Here they see a shiny super highway that knits together the whole of North America. The super highway, as wide as two football fields, is a hub of activity and commerce that allows for free and open access to American's heartland. The stream of vehicles are no longer using petroleum. Instead, they are using ethanol which is available at only $3.00 a gallon, far less than Americans paid for gasoline in 2008. They see happy people from all across the world working hard at jobs that used to be held by Americans who now have new opportunities for leisure and different job opportunities. They see smiling police and cameras on every corner, reminding them that now they are secured and the lovely rolling hills of the Dallas Country Club come alive as George Bush drives his own gold golf cart across the verdant scene and waves happily.

As they exit the theater they enter the gift shop that sells Bush Golf Clubs with the Presidential Seal, pens, photos of the Greatest President, simulated exact reproductions of Barbara Bush's two strand pearl neckless and other memorabilia. Also included are DVDs and CDs that teach eager tourists how to train their dogs to intimidate suspected terrorists and special implements to be used only when following the instructions included. They see an American flag that has the names of various corporations printed on the stripes. They can buy one of those, too.

Tickets are only $200.00. Call the White House to pre-order today.

This is your opportunity to imagine. Imagine a world where the policies of George Bush receive the respect they deserve.