The Rules for NeoCons
as played by Karl Rove
An exercise in political satire protected by the 1st Amendment
(At least there used to be a 1st Amendment)
By Melinda Pillsbury-Foster

Karl Rove started life with a dream. That was an image of him, sitting at his ease in the White House enjoying the perks of power along with the good life. Instead of collecting baseball cards as a kid the chief Bush strategist collected cards with the smiling faces of congressmen, presidents and men like Machiavelli. He read every word ever published about politics before hitting puberty. Instead of memorizing baseball stats he memorized the minutia of political intrigue. His motivations were entirely personal. He is not an idealist and he is certainly not an ideologue like his buddies Irving and William Kristol, the most prominent proponents of Straussianism* Karl Rove didn’t need a justification to lie and cheat his way to power. He just did it. He is a natural supercharged by the trauma of a boyhood of social deprivation and exceptional nerdism.
Karl Rove is a practical guy who never lets ethical irrelevancies confuse him.
Karl Rove wanted to win at any cost. He worked hard to accomplish his goal. He wanted to win so much he built his own president and reformatted the unspoken rulebook for acceptable behavior in America’s political life. Some of you may have been unaware there were rules, given what has gone on in government for the last 200 years. But there were a few.
Before there were things politicians did not do because those things were too slimy. Now, thanks to Karl Rove, there are no limits. This innovation became itself an enforcer of his power. Liberals duck under desks, quiver, and wet themselves when Karl Rove walks by. So do Republicans and the minor bureaucracies employed in think-tanks - if they are smart. If Rove’s mother was alive she might, too.
I became interested in Karl Rove through tracing his relationship with one of his buddies, John Fund, formerly of the Wall Street Journal. Rove taught John everything he knows about the politics of winning. John borrowed the book and forgot to give it back, a habit he has along with nabbing all the goodie bags at conferences. That is how we happened to find it to read when Morgan cleaned up John’s apartment when she moved in with him in 2001. Karl has now sent John back to Dirty Tricks 1A to repeat his early lessons. John messed up big time by not keeping Morgan quiet and returning the book.
I was amazed at how similar the two men really are. Both collected cards on politicians when they were still in junior high school. Both were very nerdy and asocial and used their college years to get involved in real politics. Both were entirely focused on achieving their goals. I briefly wondered if they were in fact two personas caught in the same body or one persona using two bodily entities. Unlikely, though I have yet to meet anyone who has seen them together.
But on to the real issue.
Here in a nutshell (curiously appropriate nomenclature) are the Rules for NeoCons with revisions and additions by Karl Rove.


1. When the guy on the playground looks like he is going to win get someone bigger to kick him from behind. Snitch to the teacher pretending you are the victim.
Rove - You don’t have to tell the truth and fear is a great way of culling the
potential competition. Rehearse your responses when questioned and do not
deviate from the script. Make sure you have your own set of ‘special agents’ from
the government on tap.

2. Spread nasty lies about your adversary. Do this in the strictest confidence. Lies will not surface until their origin is lost.
Rove - They may never know why they lost. If they find out see No. 1.

3. Study the game. There are lots of interesting ways to cheat. Be inventive.
Rove – Cheating means never having to say you are sorry you lost.

4. Cite specious authority. “Cause I said,” while adequate when backed by enough guns or political thugs is not enough in the early game. On the playground citing the authority of the principal may briefly save you from a drubbing by the class mate who caught you cheating at Four Square but citing that authority when invading a foreign country won’t work. You have to be presidential to use exhortations of patriotism to justify your own abuses. Even then such justifications may need to be backed up with unspoken threats, personal or political.
Rove – Keep a pile of flags on hand along with pictures of the Twin Towers and religious memorabilia. Know your audience. Tell the speech writer what you need.

5. Lay down a thick pile of studies from authorities. This may seem like a continuation of No. 4. but it requires some very different institutions and kinds of individuals. These need to be thought out and in place in advance. See Kristol, either one, for application of Straussianism for justifications from ‘destiny’ and ‘esoteric insights.’ See purveyors of other useful faith-based ideologies, Pat Robertson, Ralph Reed, and (Forcing God’s Hand.) The Rapture of Republicanism), Alan Greenspan, Ayn Rand, and the clutches of brains at the constellation of think-tanks spawned by Libertarianism and the Rapture Right.
Rove – Useful for keeping the less brain-dead tools in line. You can trust them
once they are on the payroll.


As you can see, it is really a very simple rule book with only minor variations applied with unswerving ruthlessness. I became very familiar with the NeoCon rules while being masticated by the attentions of the forenamed Rove student, John Fund. It is important to remember that these people tell you exactly what they are going to do to you by flinging accusations that you are doing that to them. Some people call that projection. Listen carefully. That may well be your only warning of what is coming. So when John Fund ran around claiming there was a massive left-wing conspiracy aimed at destroying him by using the IRS and all of the related forces of evil we know what he really meant. Of course, he was a piker compared to Karl Rove, but he was, after all, only the student.

The NeoCons function as a dispersed network of individuals working within a series of organizations some of which were founded for the purpose and some of which have been co-opted.
So who are the NeoCons? What are the depth, breadth and scope of their operation? How does the interesting early history of such virtual unknowns as Harry Browne and Michael Emerling Cloud relate to the fund raising plans of Karl Rove? What are the interlocks between the affinity groups of the Los Angeles Cabal of the Federalist Society and the Fabiani Society in New York? How does it all mesh with the Texas-Two-Step Illiterati? What is the story on the voting machines, their ownership and programming?
All questions will eventually be answered. Soon. Promise

Go read the NeoCon Lexicon of Larceny on americanrevival.ws